Murpholding...

Our battle with time is like a Tug-o-War against an invincible opponent who is toying with you. The rope of your personal time can be easy to hold, moving only slowly. Or it can speed through your hands, disappearing forever in fits and starts, burning your palms as it goes.
Physicists say that time began with the Big Bang. The phrase 'before the Big Bang' has no meaning in their universe. In our conventional world of cause and effect, their argument seems nonsensical. How could there be nothingness, no time, no space, and then there is a massive energy event that creates the universe. This seems like a head-splitting conundrum until you stop and think about who is making this argument. People. Then it all becomes clear. the reason not to let the inconsistency of logic vs physics bother you is that people, pretty universally, are almost always wrong. The ones spouting these theories today were preceded by those who were certain that something completely different was true. If anything, the problem is the way in which people espouse Certainty itself, when our perceptions of reality are so limited. To be certain then becomes suspect, and that realization is what makes the difference.


P.S. I'm certain that I don't like mushrooms. I guess it works for the small stuff... ;)

Triflip..

I've decided to start using this again. Probably no one looking, but I find it really doesn't matter. What is important is to write, and write often. Using language, even for banal details of my life is something that can only help.
The past several months have flown by in a haze of desperate labor and solitude. The labor, while purposeful, is now revealed to be a distraction. Keeping busy allows me to stay relatively sane, to keep myself from moving away, even to just keep my brain active. The solitude is a function of misery, primarily self-inflicted, that helps keep the stain of it from infecting those around me.
So what's the endgame? How can I push out of the morass into the light? Work is either - a. as mind-numbing as a narcotic without any of the addictive paraphenlia, or - b. a flavorful mix of dashed hopes and fruitless dreams. School is now seen as a means, not as an end, which I guess is fine. But it takes the shine off of it when the focus shifts to being able to reach milestones more easily, rather than acquiring knowledge.
So what do we do? How can we fix the emptiness?

I guess that's what I'm here to find out.


P.S. Is it a bad sign when you lose 50/50 poker situations at a rate of 75%?